'Drugs Boat Scandal hits the Norfolk Broads

Norfolk Police today stepped up sniffer patrols when it was revealed that the Arrow Group Boat may be involved in a drugs cover-up.

Rumours started to circulate around the Barton Broad area of a strong smell resembling a funny drug called Cannabis emanating from a cabin cruiser moored up at the jetty. Police are investigating the incident, however so far no beatings have been given to the boat's occupants.

Crack Den: The boat under investigation

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Arrow Group in Navigational Rumpus

A flotilla of small boats were nearly scuttled today when the Arrow Group navigated their boat into an armada of trouble.

It seems while attempting to impersonate ex pop star and nonce Jonathan King, the captain momentarily lost control and it careered out of control. In the order of time however all was restored and no reports of casulties were noted..

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Arrow Group Member Caught On Video Eating a Whole Pie

Arrow Group member Mr Mark was spectacularly caught eating a whole Bakewell Tart Pie on Saturday after promising to lay off the cakes.

He was also caught red handed 'ratting' at the same time, a feat heard but never seen or captured on film before.

Pieface: The game is up for this consumer of sticky sweetmeats.

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'Mop Under Arrest'

A mop was charged with fraud after failing to produce a valid boating licence on the Broads today. After being questioned it went no comment and so it was remanded in custody till Friday, however it was eventually assessed to be not dangerous and returned to it's owners, though the fraud allegation is still pending.

Hairy: Hirsuite captain charged with fraud.

EXCLUSIVE

Trunk Calls: The devastating scene at Horning Phone Box, complete with new residents.

Phone Box Squatters hit Horning

Arrow Group Suspected.
By The Old Bat
Crime Correspondant

Horning resident Mrs Ethel Snail popped out to make her usual phone call to her raw meat supplier at the phone kiosk on Thatsrex Lane when she found that was occupied by persons unknown and was unable to ring anyone.

Occupital Cavity

I was livid; in fact I was more than that-I was gobsmacked.' moaned Ethel. 'That phone booth is like a bloody lifeline to me. Since my phone at home was cut off it's my only means of contact with the outside world.' The new occupiers appear to have come from a nearby boat which they are renting. Mrs Snail also observed some very odd goings on at the phone box too. She chuntered 'It was really strange. They were coming out of the box at regular intervals with traffic signs, mops, TV aerials and allsorts of other stuff. They even bought out an elephant. But I might have made that last bit up.'

Nose Cones

The Norfolk Times went to investigate the phone box but found that it was empty. Mrs Snail readily identified the squatters in the nearby Rising Sun pub. We were unable to get a sensible comment from the most of the group as they had incredibly lost the power of conscious thought.

Percussion

We did however manage to collar one arrow member, Mr Chris. "Well er..I don't really know. Umm..I'm not sure really." he enthused, "We just sort of took over it and er..well..we'll be leaving very soon so er… umm…percussion" he added cryptically.

We left after gaining no sense out of them whatsoever. So it seems the occupation is only of a temporary nature. Mrs Snail was unrepentant. She droned on "I'll be watching them till they have gone. Ruining my day like that. Haven't they got better things to do? Don't they care that an old lady has had to go without her raw meat supply for a day?"

The Norfolk Times did manage to surreptitiously take a photograph of the phone box incumbents during their occupation. It was noted that they were only actually there for about 10 minutes, in direct contradiction to Mrs Snail's allegations. We print the photo above as an exclusive. Licensing deals are available, please contact us for rates.

Run on Norfolk Salads

The lovely picturesque village of Neatishead was reeling yesterday after an alarming incident for a Surrey couple.

Mr Timothy Loafer (48) and Mother (76) were trying to enjoy a quiet drink when the Arrow Group burst in and tried to order a salad before they did.

Salads: The pub in question yesterday at 13.47.

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Men Spotted Running Around Famous Norfolk Edifice

Bemused locals were left scratching their heads yesterday when they spotted 5 men running round the middle section of Sutton Mill, the tallest windmill in England. No one knows where the men came from or why they did it.

Big Thing: Sutton Mill, tallest in England, scene of running escapade..

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PIC OF THE WEEK

Reception Problems: Arrow group member Chris suddenly developed 'Arrow syndrome'. Sufferers' symptoms range from wearing a TV aerial to hair falling out. Fortunately he was only afflicted for a few hours. But it was too late to stop the hair loss.

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HORRORSCOPES

SHOVELS

A hard time is forecast with plenty of digging activity. With Jupiter in the ascendant things will not change much. Lucky number 7.

HAZMAT

Encased as you are in a protective suit it will be difficult to make any new friends this week. Try to work out your position in society and learn to concentrate on your ongoing situation.

RATTERS

Your talent for making loud noises will be unwelcomed by many but do not let this put you off. Strive to achieve your goals this weekend and you will become a better person.

PAPOOSE

Papoose people are blessed with the unique gift of second sight. You should therefore know what lies in store and I think we need say no more than that.