The Arrowgroup

Not content with terrorising motorists along the M6 the Arrowgroup had booked for a ride in a vintage Alvis all terrain troop carrying vehicle. Luckily for us it turned out to be not only the dispapointing part of the trip but also by far and away the biggest waste of money since the Arrowgroup underwrote the opening of the Auto Windscreens, Exmouth Branch.

Everyone was up early on Sunday, eager with anticipation. John had arranged the first activity of the day, It was to be a ride on an old Alvis Stalwart amphibious troop carrier. Everyone was excited about the chance to ride this all terrain vehicle through the hills and lakes of the National Park. What better place to really get stuk in. Our excitement was to be short lived however....

Sadly the all terrain course for the vehicle was nothing more than a farmer's field. There were no lakes apart from an ornamental pond near the reception and due to a particulalry dry May that year the field was no more than just a compacted and slightly rutted billiard table. Oh dear.... the ride lasted 15mins and cost us £65. Being an ex-banker, Chris was quickly able to combine his mathematical skills and generally negative demeanor to work out that the owner of the vehicle was earning a tidy £260 per hour....

So, following a particulalry nice cream tea, or to be precise, two cream teas and four cream coffees the Arrowgroup were off to the second activity of the day which was to be not only an 'Arrow First' but also a future 'Arrow Favourite'.... kayaaking.

Mark had arranged for us to rendevous at a watersports centre on the edge of Coniston Water where we would hire seven canoes and two rather bemused instructors. The sight of seven rather cylindrical men squeezing into wetsuits was not a pretty site and at one stage Stuart was heard to remark of Nic that he looked like 'Captain Ahab's C.V.'

Funny lines dispensed with we took to the water, Nic had fortunately been offered a drybag to keep his cigarettes in although it all seemed rather pointless as the time it took to open and re-seal the bag was longer than the burning time of a Marlboro' Menthol Filter Tip Kingsize and therefore re-stocking was a continuous exercise.

The event was a huge success with Mike enjoying it so much he refused to get out of the water at the end of the two hours and eventually had to be scuttled before he would dismount.

At the end of the day we all retired to the safety of a Pub in Ambleside to discuss Monday.

Day Three: Monday

Day 3 was to see one of the most ambitious events yet. The entire Arrowgroup were to scale the south face of Helvellyn. To make things more interesting we were to attempt it on a day when much of the UK were hit by torrential downpours and not content with that level of difficulty, Stuart decided he would climb the hill wearing a golf suit!

Monday was the to be the main event. An ascent of the mountain known as 'Hellvellyn' (with less emphasis on the 'vellyn' Chris was heard to say). In reality Hellvelyn is one of the easier climbs in the Lake District notwithstanding 'Striding Edge' which people fall off fairly regularly. The Arrowgroup had not unusually decided to take the 'path of least resistance' to the summit and in the absence of any kind of motorized propulsion vehicle a gently winding route up the south side of the mountain culminating a in mild scramble for the summit was selected. The Arrowgroup had been instructed to wear appropriate attire which was mostly achieved however.... Stuart, whose previous outdoor activity had mainly been confined to a trip to the loo at his Grandad's, had found himself wanting in the outdoor clothing department and in desperation had selected a full golf suit from his wardrobe complete with embroidered 'action golfer' figure on the breast. Suffice to say, having dressed into his suit, the 'Emepror's New Clothes' were greeted with much mirth and merriment.

After a reasonably uneventful ascent, and after Nic had been administered oxygen, the Arrowgroup arrived at the summit. The group stopped for a break and consumed a packed lunch, prepared following the receipt of a severe weather warning earlier on in the morning. Whilst Stuart was trying to arrange an airlift with the local mountain rescue, Chris produced a flag he just happened to have in his bag (the kind of man that carries the flag of St George in his bag 'just in case' is rarely encountered). This led to a wonderful photo opportunity and an iconic moment in Arrow history.

By the end of the ascent everyone was exhausted so imagine how delighted we were when Mark proudly announced that it was only a 'couple of miles' walk back along the path to the car park ! At this point there were suggestions of mutiny but realsing that any attempt to procure a taxi would be met with the same level of success as Stuart's attempt to call in an airlift from the summit earlier, any subversive comments were quickly quelled until the Pub.

Tuesday needed to be a lot less tiring.

Day Four: Tuesday

Following the stresses and strains of the previous day and some of us still carrying a few minor injuries, the indefatigable Arrowgroup set course for Lake Coniston and an appointment with a boat hire station. Not realising that an extra charge would be incurred, Nic proudly strode out in his No.4 Yellow Shirt to negotiate a suitable rate with the boat owner only to discover that there was a 'Yellow Shirt' surcharge levied on all skippers sporting such a garment

Tuesday was left open as a bit of a 'Free For All' day but as everyone well knows, asking the Arrowgroup to choose what they'd like to do is a bit like asking a Christmas Turkey his favorite brand of stuffing !

After much debate it was decided that we should take a trip to Coniston water where there were rumours of boats to be hired and fun to be had..

Upon arrival at the lakeside the duty of negotiating a price and procuring the boats rested with Nic. Unfortrunately Nic was unaware of a little known law regarding the wearing of yellow shirts whilst in possession of a hirecraft and, when the time came to hand over the 'Naughty Money' security deposit a 'yellow shirt' surcharge was duly added.

The remainder of the boating trip passed without event despite our best efforts. The two least able sighted members being put in charge of the helms. Stuart adopted his usual recumberent position and demanded to be woken only upon completion of the voyage.

The afternoon was dosed with huge amounts of excitement, fear, laughter, and misery in equal amounts.
Excitement - The promise of taking a 9 seater minibus over Wrynose pass.
Fear - ACTUALLY taking a 9 seater minibus over Wrynose pass.
Laughter - Finding an amusingly named pub for lunch (shown above)
Misery - Visiting a town called Millom which was supposedly a local beauty spot.

We arrived home in time to prepare for the final night, a greatly anticipated event on every Arrow Trip. We must drink and be merry for Tomorrow was to be our last day.

Day Five: Wednesday

The day most feared on any Arrowtrip, time to submit the accommodation for inspection, carry out any minor cosmetic repairs, rebuilding, underpinning etc.. Then the long journey home remembering of course to stop off somewhere pointless for a rush visit which usually only allows time to decide whether or not to spend 50p on a parking ticket before having to get Chris home in time for his tea.

Well, It's the last day and after the usual rebuilding, repainting, and generally repatching everything we've managed to damage we're on our way home. Sadly Matt had to abandon a particularly nice pair of red shoes as they were found to be causing an airborne contamination hazard in the van..

As usual the Arrowgroup had scheduled a stop on the way home and this time it was to be Blackpool.

After an enjoyable day at Blackpool pleasure beach 7 weary Arrow members headed for home at greatest speed. As usual Chris needed to be home half an hour before we left. A stop was made at an unnamed motorway services to film to obligatory summing up scenes for the video and then we were off home until next year.